What if You Let Yourself Want?
Updated: Jun 16
I need to ask you something, and I don’t mean the polite, “oh, just curious” kind of ask like I usually do. I mean the look-you-in-the-eyes, soul-shaking, pause-before-you-answer kind of ask. What do you want?
No, really. What do you want?
Stop trying to think about what you should want, what's practical or what’s expected of you. I want to know what do you crave in your bones? What would you chase if there were no rules, no guilt, no whispers in your head telling you to tone it down, shrink it back, and “just be grateful for what you have”? If that question makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone. For a lot of us, especially women, wanting feels dangerous, and it got me thinking, when did we start apologizing for our hunger? Or did we ever feel the right to have an appitite? At some point, whether we learned it from our guardians, our schools, the media, or a world built on controlling us, we absorbed the message that desire is a problem.
They said:
If we want success, we’re selfish. If we want love, we’re needy. If we want rest, we’re lazy. If we want pleasure, we’re shameful, impure. If we want more, we should just be grateful for what we have.
So we stop reaching, and we tell ourselves, I don’t actually need that. We get really good at convincing ourselves that we’re fine; that our dreams were silly anyway, that ambition is exhausting, that love is complicated, that rest is a luxury, and that is how we lose ourselves.
This isn’t your fault. Your brain is literally wired to keep you safe, not happy. Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, a neuroscientist and author of "How Emotions Are Made", explains that our brain not only reacts to the world but predicts what will happen based on past experiences. If you’ve been taught (directly or indirectly) that desire leads to judgment, rejection, or loss, your brain will do everything it can to shut it down before it even fully forms. This happens in ways like when you hesitate before saying yes to something you want, when you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself, or when you downplay your success so you don’t seem “too much". That’s your brain running an outdated survival script, and safety is not the same as thriving. You were not put here just to make it through the day, check off to-do lists, meet everyone else’s needs, and shrink yourself into something palatable. You were put here to be fully alive.
Desire Is Not Dangerous. It’s a pulse. it’s Life Itself.
We have been fed so much conditioning around hunger; literal and metaphorical. Women especially have been conditioned to believe that our desires are too much. Too much food. Too much rest. Too much joy. Too much pleasure. Too much success. A woman who claims her desires without shame is a woman who stops waiting for permission, and that kind of woman is unstoppable. So, how do we take back our right to want, to desire, and not only that, but to actually give ourselves the full permission to actually go for it? You start with small, deliberate acts of reclamation. Let’s start here:
1. Notice When You Shrink
Pay attention to the moments when you talk yourself out of something you want. The “I should just be grateful” moments, the “it’s not a big deal” moments, the hesitation before asking for what you need, things like that. That’s your conditioning talking, but is it your truth?
2. Regulate Before You Expand
Your nervous system has to feel safe before it can take big leaps. Start small. Breathe deeper. Stretch out…literally take up space! Hum, sing, or shake it out to activate your vagus nerve. Get your body into a state of yes. There are many reguilation tools out there. (I can teach you as many as you want, book a free call on my calendar and let's chat).
3. Rewrite the Guilt Narrative
When guilt creeps in, ask yourself: would I judge someone else for wanting this? Who benefits from me believing I don’t deserve this? What if my desire wasn’t selfish, but sacred? What good things might happen if I go for it?
4. Take One Small, Brave Step
Say yes to something you actually want, and say no to something that drains you. Name one desire out loud, without apology.
No More Apologies. No More Permission.
We have spent enough time apologizing, waiting for permission, and convincing ourselves that our desires are dangerous. They’re not, they are our life force, and the world needs more women who are fully alive.
So, tell me again, what do you want?
Not what’s acceptable, not what’s reasonable, and definitely not what’s expected.
What do you actually, unapologetically crave? Say it. Claim it. Take one step toward it. This is the beginning of something bigger, and I’m here to support you and celebrate you as you step into it.
If you're ready to actually go after it, not someday, not when everything is perfect, but now, that's exactly what we would work on together. Book a free discovery call and let's talk about what claiming your life actually looks like.
Remember that you are inspiring, you are loved, keep going!
I am cheering you on!
XOXO,
Coach Coop
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